A robin approaches you in the parking lot, bold as day, and you quite honestly expect it to greet you.

Not. Even. Kidding.

Perils of Parenthood, I guess.

Labels: Too too funny

Once upon a time (heehee), I wrote up some modern day lessons to take away from the age old classic fairytales. Those posts can be found here and here.

They are pretty good for a laugh, if you are in need of one.

I bring up those old posts for a good reason and that is I recently read Goldilocks and The Three Bears to Bunny Boop. Bedtime story, doncha know. Not surprisingly (at least to me because I'm kind of twisted), it prompted in me the realization that these fairytales and bedtime stories oft have lessons the likes of which the modern woman can reflect upon. Let us examine the story, shall we...

If you recall, the law-abiding Three Bears were a solid family unit who lived at peace with their environment and their neighborhood. Indeed, they even ate a high-fiber diet with all of that porridge in the morning stuff. They were nature lovers too, taking long walks in the morning while their porridge cooled. Right?

So here comes Goldilocks who has such a broken moral compass that she decides to break and enter the Bear home and make herself at home. This is not acceptable behavior for nice young ladies! She trespasses in their home and leaves the place worse for wear!

Furthermore, she has the audacity to complain about the accomodations!

"This porridge is too hot" you can hear the whiny voice, can't you?
"This porridge is too cold" do you want to smack her as much as I do?
"This porridge is just right" nice, bitch, glad we could find something for you to steal that pleases you.

"This chair is too big" nervy complaining whelp
"This chair is also too big" seriously, complaining isn't the mark of a lady
"This chair is just right" you know, hard to please young women end up miserable... And then, of course, the chair breaks from her weight and she has added destruction of personal property to her list of crimes.

And then, after eating the bears' breakfast and breaking their furnishings, she violates the inner sanctum and goes into the bedroom. Even a welcomed, honored, invited guest wouldn't stray into their host's bedroom unless on a tour. Seriously! Goldilocks is the very worst sort!

And, again, with the complaining...

"This bed is too hard" nobody asked you your opinion
"This bed is too soft" clearly she's no princess...
"This bed is just right" so our house-breaking, theiving, incredibly rude girl curls up in this bed and takes a nap. Her feelings of entitlement are off the chart!

Then, when she is awoken by Mr. and Mrs. Bear and Junior, she shrieks, jumps up, and runs out in such a manner we are supposed to feel she is the victim. Wrong-o, honey. We aren't falling for the poor, poor, pitiful you routine. Goldilocks is a bad bad girl who needs to learn some manners. And possibly do some time...

Okay, seriously though, as I was reading the story I was reminded of the problem with illegal immigration in this country. Stick with me here...

They come in uninvited and make themselves at home. They want porridge that they haven't paid for, complain about the conditions, and then in full-on entitlement mode, expect to be given the Bear House, lock stock and barrel.

It is no wonder I take issues with illegal immigration. In contrast, there are those who knock on the door and wait to be invited in, then are gracious about taking what porridge they are offered and say please and thank you like nice polite guests...

Oversimplified? Perhaps. But also spot-on, methinks.

Labels: Illegal Immigration, Too too funny

Finally, we have identified the reason for such active advocates for Democracy as Paris, Britney, and Lindsay to go panty-less.

These ladies must be skipping their skivvies in a show of support for the pro-democracies forces in Myanmar! How noble and self-sacrificing of them!

I, for one, had absolutely no idea that this protest was gaining the kind of momentum that Darfur needs. Maybe George Clooney should give up his tidy white-ys and send them to Darfur! Brad Pitt and Matt Damon could pile on! Imagine how fruitful (tee hee) those looms could be!

Here's the deal, since you are probably too lazy to click the link:

The Burmese military is facing an unexpected threat from female opponents to its regime - a deluge of panties dispatched to the country's embassies in a "culturally insulting gesture of protest" against its recent crackdown on protestors.

According to AP the Panties for Peace initiative is not merely symbolic, since the the group behind the campaign - Lanna Action for Burma - claims "superstitious generals, especially junta leader General Than Shwe... believe that contact with women's underwear saps them of power".

...

Hilton added that "women in Thailand, Australia, Singapore, England and other European countries have started sending or delivering their underwear to Myanmar missions following informal coordination among activist organisations and individuals".

...

I'm sorry, but I'm just so tickled at the idea of some fierce General being afraid of some lacy panties. Throw a thong at 'em! See if that doesn't fix their wagon!

Send in the Victoria's Secret Catalogs! And, go nuclear on their asses with some edible crotchless varieties - that'll really take 'em down a peg!

Can't you just see it? Big ol' blustering General goes scarlet and limp in the presence of Hanes Her Way or God Forbid La Perla!

Sounds like something I'd write into a SpySistah story!

Labels: Too too funny

Labels: Too too funny