Thursday, August 11, 2005
Lessons from Fairy Tales
It seems to me that many fairy tales were written to keep young children in line, instilling lessons in them to obey their parents, distrust strangers, and the like.

However, as a woman, and an adult, I take the following lessons from these famous fairy tales:

Sleeping Beauty
  1. For criminey's sake, if someone tells you not to touch something, Do Not, under any circumstance, Touch It!
  2. It is very important to keep up your appearance. It would be a real shame if you tragically fell asleep, drool drying on your pale and unkempt cheek, and your prince took one look at you and decided not to say your ugly-assed self. If you do not have naturally rosy cheeks and lips, invest in a good moisturizer and a decent lip gloss.
Snow White
  1. Don't be an idiot. Sometimes it is right to treat suspicious characters as suspicious characters. For heaven's sake, look the gift horse in the mouth and don't eat anything if you don't know where it came from.
  2. Sometimes fruits and vegetables aren't the best thing for you.
  3. See also, Sleeping Beauty lesson 2.
  1. Work hard, by all means, but never so hard that you look like hell. What if your fairy godmother has the night off?
  2. The shoes make the outfit. The right shoes can make the girl!
  3. Never, ever, ever be late.
  1. Proper hair care is never wasted time. You should take diligent care of your tresses as they are your crowning glory, an important asset, and can be very handy in a pinch. What would have been Rapunzel's fate had she split ends? I shudder to think....
  2. Don't just let anybody come into your window.
Hansel & Gretel
  1. Cleverness is very important. Oftentimes your best course of action will be too outwit your enemy.
  2. There is no harm in playing up your innocence. Don't act dumb, just sweetly innocent, and you will be rewarded and make others look like cynics and asses.
  1. If you are going to enter into an agreement, get it in writing. More importantly, READ THE FINE PRINT!
  2. Gathering intelligence is crucial to any successful operation.

There you have it, my fine friends: The major fairy tales boiled down to the lessons they offer up for the girl of 2005. As I think you will see, the advice is sound. If you are curious what other fairy tales offer up modern lessons, leave a request for a specific fairy tale in the comments.

posted by Phoenix | 8:59 AM


At 10:53 PM, Blogger WitNit said...

You're going to be an INTERESTING mother! heh

At 1:07 PM, Anonymous silk said...

Lmao that was brill. One has to wonder tho what you make of jack and the beanstalk and the little mermaid?

At 4:43 AM, Blogger Agent Bedhead said...

How about this lesson from "Snow White".....

Never live with Seven Men all at's dreadfully messy!


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