Open Letter to Osama
Dear Osama,
Perhaps you don't understand Americans very well. You seem to subscribe to the same ideas as Old Europe, figuring that the American populace cares more about being liked than being secure. You could not be more wrong.
Your recent videotape, it appears, was mis-translated in key portions on the fly on Friday afternoon. Not many Americans are aware that you issued a warning to individual American states, that only those voting for Bush would be targeted, while those voting for Kerry would be seen as finding their peace with Al Qaeda.
Here's what you apparently don't understand. Certain states are historically "red" or "blue" in the USA. Red States usually vote Republican while Blue States usually go Democrat. Red States are usually agrarian, or more closely tied to their rural roots, while Blue States are usually more citified. The Red States are generally the middle of the country, and by far represent the most land mass. The Blue States are mostly on the coasts. When you hit NYC, you targeted a Blue State. Now you are calling out us Red Staters.
Here is a socio-historical fact you also don't know, Red Staters are more stubborn than you think. Much of the Conservative Red State mentality comes down to the pioneer spirit. We don't like to be pushed around. We don't like to be told what to do. If somebody says we won't make it, rest assured that sheer stubborness will make sure we do. We've survived pioneering the wild, wild, west, indian attacks, the dust bowl, and have a long history of surviving inhospitable weather that threatens lives and livlihood. The Alamo is a good example of the pioneer spirit at work. Yeah, we lost the battle, but it became a rallying cry for the rest of the war.
By essentially telling us if we vote for Bush we are declaring ourselves your enemy and putting a target on our backs you have chosen to piss off the wrong people. You don't get to tell us how to vote anymore than readers of the UK's Guardian or the French or German get to. More than that, our entire nation is your enemy and you started this fight, not us. But rest easy, WE WILL finish it, and on our terms (which happens to be your death or capture, the entire destruction of your sizeable network that trades in terror, and the hope of democratization of the Middle East). Moreover, you have been targeting us for too long as a nation to now say a Vote for Kerry is a vote to save your neck. How stupid do you think we are?
Furthermore, were you to strike Red States, you would see a swell of backlash unlike any you've seen before. Ever hear of daisy cutters? I'm pretty sure you have, but consider yourself warned. We won't stop there. Besides which, red states don't have the splashy targets you seem to favor. If you were to target the airport in Dodge City, KS, for example, you might take out a whole 5 people if you were lucky. What, are you going to target coffee shops? Talk about low pay-off with incredibly high repercussions. Go ahead, piss off the people in this country who are most likely to enlist and see your ass blown all over the Afghan-Pakistani border in iddy biddy pieces.
This red stater, farm girl, and otherwise Bush Voter has three words for you: Go to Hell.
You shall not deter me from my vote by promising not to hurt me if I vote your ticket. First of all, your "promises" aren't worth a camel's fart or goat droppings. (Camel fart's serving to aid global weather patterns with methane emissions and stimulating wind movement and goat droppings providing a handy fuel on cold Afghan nites when other fuels are in short supply.) If you think I'm going to trust you, how about a little trust in return? If you want me to vote your way I will do so under the following conditions:
1. You take a short walk with my friends the Seals, the Rangers, and a few others. They want to show you some nice vacation real estate. No need to buy.
2. You give us names, locations, cell phone numbers, etc. for every single member of your vast network.
3. Apologize publicly that your actions over the past 15 years, in regards to the US and the Western world, were wrong.
then I'll consider it. In the meantime, go to hell.
