This just in....
Deet-det-det-deeeet
The senator from the great state of New York, Hillary Rodham-Clinton collapsed moments ago while giving a speech in Buffalo. This story is still developing, but I'm going to hold off from making jokes. It is never lady-like to kick a lady when she's down. Besides, the jokes all seem pretty easy at the moment. I'll give the woman a break.
However, news of her collapse was quickly followed by a giant sucking sound. The US Meteorological Survey was said to attribute the noise to millions of Democrats holding their breath all at once, for HRC is the poster girl of the DNC, their last, best, and only shot in 2008.