Suck it up and move on
This week’s topic for the Beautiful, Charming, Demystifying Divas, The Dashing and Debonair Men’s Club, and yours truly is "the best way to avoid rejection or deal with rejection when trying to meet the opposite sex".First, I must go on record and admit that my single days are behind me and that my advice, though I believe it to be sound, is not based on any recent research (technically I’ve been off the market for 8 years).
As I see it, I must address this from two distinctly different perspectives: that of the one seeking long-term relationship, and that of the one seeking somebody for a “little bit later tonight.”
The individual seeking a short-term hookup, to me, is misguided. Nevertheless, I will attempt to offer some advice. First, make no promises about your intentions. Do not say “I’ll call you” if you have no intention of doing so. Second, do not lie about your goals for the evening. There will be members of the opposite sex who will take you up on your proposition. There will also be those who find your proposition of a casual encounter to be loathsome. Always understand that it is a choice for the other person as much as it is for you and treat the other person with respect. If your charmingly phrased suggestion is rejected out of hand, don’t take it personally. This person is (probably) a stranger to you and you don’t know why he or she may be rejecting you. Maybe it isn’t your breath. Maybe, instead, that person is just exiting a very serious relationship and is not emotionally prepared to handle any new entanglements, however brief. You can’t know, so don’t take it to heart. Be courteous. Then leave that person in peace and move on.
For the individual seeking a relationship, two main rules exist that will keep you if not attached, then at least happy.
a.) Know, understand, and accept that you will not find love if you go looking for it, love will find you when you least expect it.
b.) Always, always, always be yourself. If they don’t like it, it isn’t meant to be.
You can’t avoid rejection. Rejection is a part of not just relationships, but of life itself. Imagine that you are on life’s road with many other travelers. Just as you get to pick and choose which paths you follow, so do the other travelers. If someone chooses not to travel with you, however briefly, it isn’t an apocalyptic catastrophe. It is only life. Do not wrap yourself up in fantasy and then seek to make those fantasies realities. Life can not possibly live up to fantasy. It is unrealistic to expect it to do so. Do not delude yourself that this one person is the answer to your future happiness. The only person that can truly make you happy is you.
Remember that rejection is a two-way street. You must be careful in your discourse with members of the opposite sex, because it is very easy to offend. However, and I can’t stress this enough, you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. They are responsible for theirs like you are yours. It is too easy to offend, but if you seek to always avoid offending someone, you may find yourself in all sorts of situations that you would otherwise have chosen to avoid. Better to offend someone by rejecting them out-of-hand, than to hurt them emotionally by leading them on. And, if you consider it, you too would rather be offended briefly and get over it, than strung along, entangled emotionally, and then cut from the line suddenly.
Hold your head up high when dealing with rejection. You are a beautiful person and this is a learning experience. There is no shame in rejection. Here are a few examples of situations where I rejected someone and why there is no shame for them in it.
1. J**** Albertini - in school, he sent his envoy to see if I’d be interested in a romantic relationship. I had to turn him down. He was hot and I was available, but he was also the lust/love object of my best friend. We may have enjoyed each other’s company, but I would have hurt my best friend. I couldn’t do that to her. So, I rejected him to spare her feelings. Seeing as how it wasn’t so hard to do, it must have been the right decision.
2. The black guy at the gas station – after college, as a single young woman and survivor of attempted rape living alone, I was very cautious about getting involved with men. One day, quite out of the blue while I was pumping gas in sweatpants, some random stranger came up to me and asked me out. Safety dictated that I reject him. Random meetings at gas stations are how single women disappear. (Haven't you ever watched Cold Case Files?) He may have been a great guy, but I’ll never know. Safety demanded I decline.
This, my loyal readers, is exactly why you can’t take a rejection personally. The possible reasons for it can not be fathomed. It is not the end of your world. You shall survive this too.
Suck it up and move on.
