Do you know what is on tv at 3 am?
I discovered what passes for space filler on television at 3 am last night as I was feeding Bunny Boop. I was so chagrined, as a matter of fact, that I felt compelled to post this expose and shine a bright light on the truth. I am sorry if this upsets some. In particular, I am sure that The Maximum Leader and Loyal Minion Phin will not be pleased to read this. They may even deny it or go all conspiracy theorist on us. Nevertheless...: Bright Light, Shine On!
At 3 am, it appears that the target demographic is sexually frustrated teenage boys and voyeuristic men. I know this because they were hawking some Sorority Girls Gone Wild videotape. Said video apparently shows the real lesbianic side of sorority life, because all of these girls were fondling, licking, and otherwise treating each other to the men's stereotype of what that perpetual naked pillow fight must be like. (I just realized I'm going to get all kinds of perverts googling in - sorry to disappoint you, fellas.)
I am a sorority girl. I say "am" instead of "was" because it is a lifetime thing, not something you do just in college. Furthermore, I can tell you that as a sorority girl I never ever ever participated in any antics that came anywhere close to this blatantly scripted pron. I never ripped another girl's shirt off, nor had mine torn asunder. I never showered with another girl or licked any of my sisters' anatomies. The fact of the matter is, all of the girls I know who were sorority chicks were pretty obviously heterosexual. They weren't even Lugs (lesbians until graduation).
The only girl I ever knew who determined she was of that persuasion actually quit her house after the epiphany. Of course, she really was a lug, as it turned out. No skin off my nose; she can and should lick what she pleases. I'm only trying to say, boys, that fantasies aside, it just isn't so. I'm sorry to ruin it for you, but I am all about vanquishing villains. In my mind, any sleazy schmuck who would cast these sorts of nasty aspersions on sorority girls to fill his pockets at the expense of salivating fools worldwide is definitely a villain.
I apologize if this moment of truth-telling has destroyed your fantasies and ruined your "private time thoughts", but it had to be done.
If you don't believe me, just ask Kathy. She'll tell you. Maybe Sadie or Christina can back me up too.
Never happens.
Now, stealing each other's boyfriends? That happens once per semester.
