On Pie
Yesterday I had a piece of cherry pie. I am a big fan of cherry pie, and this pie was from a place here in Wisconsin that has garnered quite a bit of acclaim for its pie.So naturally as the domestic diva that I am, I was intrigued.
What made this pie so special?
Could it be superior pie crust? Amazingly fresh and high quality fruit? Could it be that the pie has some mysterious ingredient that puts it over the top in terms of flavor?
No. No. And no.
I'll tell you what makes these pies famous: size.
These are not standard-sized pies. This pie was easily 16 inches in diameter. This is, in and of itself, a rather shallow point of merit. Yeah, some people are impressed with size. These are the same people who are going to get excited over a 6 foot cookie or a 20 foot banana split. Whoopee. Me? I've baked enough pie to be more interested in flavor, texture of crust, and the pie's servability.
This pie, for all of its fame, was just plain mediocre, if not weird. Yes. They used Door County Cherries. And, this was a good choice. But then, if you are in Wisconsin and baking a cherry pie and not using Door County cherries, you are something of a nut. Unless those cherries came off of your own tree, you are making a mistake. Those artificially colored cans of cherry pie filling do not make the best pie. I'm terribly sorry to be the one that has to tell you.
The pie crust was not particularly flavorful. It was not particularly decorative. It hadn't even been basted in milk and sprinkled with sugar. It was akin to a damn Sara Lee frozen pie crust - a travesty of an impression if you are famous for your pies.
But the pie filling itself was where the pie took a turn toward the bizarre. The pie had a not-quite-right flavor warring on the tastebuds with the expected tart and sweet. There was something familiar but misplaced. Something...odd. It was not a spice. And, when you looked at the pie filling that had escaped the confines of the pie, something else was odd.
There were little tiny red specs in the filling. Little tiny red detritus was suspended in the gel. When you moved the filling with your fork, it didn't move as you might expect. There was a clinging clumpiness that is not usually associated with cherry pie.
I know. I'm a cherry pie fan. I have investigated it thoroughly.
Do you kow what was going on in this pie? Let me pull the mask off of this Scooby-Doo Mystery.
Somebody got the clever idea to put a box of flavored jello in the filling. Those little red specs were unincorporated jello. You see, those little specs dissolve in boiling water, but adding the box of jello to cold or lukewarm filling merely suspends them. The odd texture is also explained by the addition of jello. The filling behaved just like warm jello - separating in odd ways.
I want you to know that as a Baker and a fan of Cherry Pie I was horrified.
HORRIFIED!
And to think these people are famous for their pie. It is a travesty. And a shame. And an insult to bakers everywhere.
I know why they did it. They were looking for a way to stabilize the filling for the extra-large pie size they are so found of. I get that. So why didn't they use unflavored gelatin? Or, if that is so damned inconvenient, you could just go to a reasonable size pie pan and forget the nod to "the bigger the better" crowd.
I am so disappointed.
