My grandmother is not doing well. She's 97 years old - or so - and has been losing her memory for a while. First it was her short term memory and now she's having problems with the long-term as well.

Things have gotten worse in the past few days and we have been warned that she won't be with us much longer. She isn't eating very much and isn't drinking very much either.

I haven't seen her in quite a while. Since before the pregnancy. She has not met Bunny, but she has seen pictures. I have been told that she does not want a funeral, prefering instead to have a small graveside service. She doesn't want people looking at her. I can respect that.

So I have a decision to make. I can either go and see her before she leaves us and introduce her to her great-grandchild, or not. I can either go now or wait and go to the graveside service. I am torn. I definitely feel that the living are more important than the dead, and feel like it might be better to say our goodbyes. It would probably give her joy to see Bunny and that's something I'd like to give her. On the other hand, she may not remember we were there 7 minutes after we leave.

I...I'm just...hell, I don't know.

On the one hand, I'd really like to see her. But, this isn't supposed to be about me. It isn't like she's just down the road either. I'm going to have to drive two hours to get to an airport, fly for three hours, then drive for 5 more before I can see her. I tell you this not because it is the trouble of the travel that concerns me, but to point out that I can't do this every weekend until she passes. We are already scheduled to go out for Thanksgiving, but she likely won't make it that long.

Having written it all out like that, I think I must go now and not wait. Sometimes it is good to write just so you explore your feelings and options.

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At 5:35 PM,  Anonymous said...

Phoenix,

Do what is best for *you*. That is what she would want.

Bless your heart, my friend.

Tough decision.

{hug}

 

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At 6:35 PM,  Noble Eagle said...

That's a tough one to call. But for what it's worth, I think you made the right decision.

 

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At 7:58 PM,  Anonymous said...

I would have to agree with your final decision. I went to see my grandmother the day before she died, while I was in the process of moving to a different state. No, it was not something that I had time to do, but today, 5 years later, I'm so glad that I did. Her final words to me still comfort me. She too had a graveside service. I couldn't tell you much about the service, I'm sure their were nice words said. But the good-bye with her was so much more important to me. Best Wishes! I will say a prayer for your grandmother and for your safe travels.

 

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At 7:39 AM,  Anonymous said...

I think you've decided on the right answer. Even if she lives until Thanksgiving.

Your grandmother will be very pleased to meet Bunny, and you will have a peace about this.

And if she dies before Thanksgiving, you will have a hard time forgiving yourself.

Go for it, Phoenix.

 

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At 11:24 PM,  Anonymous said...

Go now, you won't regret the decision.

My thoughts are with you.

 

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At 9:36 PM,  B.B. said...

I hD TO MAke the same decision earlier this year. In my case, it was easier because A) My grandmother was in the last stages of Alzheimer's and she wouldn't have recognized me, let alone her new grandson, and B) She passed quicker than we expected.

Whichever chioce you make, resolve yourself to believing that it was the right one -- don't second guess yourself -- and celebrate the opportunities that that particular choice presents. No regrets.

 

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