Slipping Out of Control
I am losing my grip on the details of our lives and falling behind on critical tasks like cleaning.It is not intentional, I swear, and these feelings of slippage are starting to impact my mental health.
I'm a control freak. Fortunately, I am aware of it and can admit it. They tell me that's the first step toward recovery, but I'll be damned if I know what step two is. And the thing is, as a control freak, even that bothers me.
Let's look at a few examples, shall we?
I got a new cell phone last weekend, complete with a headset so that I can talk and drive more safely. However, my new phone and headset aren't playing well together. I don't know why. My phone works perfectly until I plug in the headset attachment. At that point, my phone starts dialing numbers of its own accord, with absolutely no input from me. In fact, even when I manually try to stop the call, it dials the same number again. It is infuriating me and I am ready to hurl the damn phone and its happy tones right out the window and onto the pavement where it will be smashed to the quark level under the tire of a tractor-trailer.
I am so far behind on my housecleaning that it is royally pissing me off. There is a layer of dust everywhere, as though we've either survived the Dust Bowl, or the nuclear decimation of Des Moines has drifted to Wisconsin. My floors need cleaning. My bathrooms need cleaning. We are drowning in the drift of detritus in several rooms. Clutter! Clutter is pissing me off.
And, before you ask, no - it isn't baby stuff that I'm talking about. On the contrary, I am so absorbed in caring for the baby and her stuff that it is everything else that is coming unglued. I swear, I'm just going to start throwing shit in the trash. So much easier that way.
And then, there is the stuff that I have half-done. I have a couple of sewing projects that I need to finish. I have party stuff I need to finish. I am sick to death of the haphazard fashion that currently incorporates our kitchen calendar and desire something cleaner and neater and more organized and hidden. I desire clean surfaces clear of stuff. I want to go sit in one of those rubber rooms, I think, and just be at peace with the cleanliness. I have a stack of Christmas gifts wrapped and ready to slide under the tree. Currently they are making a tower in the corner of the office. The office, I should point out, that is also a project-in-process because it still isn't how I want it.
I need to clean out my closet and donate a pile of stuff. I need to clean out the cabinets and donate some stuff. I need to clean out the basement and donate/garage sale a bunch of stuff.
I have reached that point. That place where I either become the guardian of my shit or it takes over. The tipping point, as it were. Hear me, now, Stuff! I am taking our lives back. You can either get in line or you are getting kicked to the curb!
I am going to have some stern (okay shrieking may come into play) with the cell phone guys on Saturday. I am going to have my house clean by bedtime Friday night. I am going to clean out storage spaces on Saturday afternoon.
I just can't live like this anymore. There's too much on my mind. I have to finish my cookbook. I have to track down the doll lady. I have to arrange for passports, update the will, finish Christmas shopping, start baking (2 weeks worth of work there), decorate the house for the holidays, and maintain my mental health.
Because I'm turning into a grade-A bitch lately.
