The Magic Time Machine
Jim Geraghty's TKS (formerly known as The Kerry Spot) was an essential thrice daily read for me in the run-up to the election. Few other sites get read by me as often. (Kathy & The Llama Butchers get read this regularly too.) Since the end of the election, the site has changed names but is still essential reading.
Most of the recent coverage has been about how the Dems went wrong, the new DNC chair, and of course the "Bush stole another election" meme.
Interestingly enough, today Jim points out that the brouhaha over the 2000 election still hasn't been put to rest. Give it up already people!
A group called Patriots for Gore is still trying to overturn the 2000
election, as it outlines in a press release dated Jan. 3, 2005:
As the rightful President of 2000, Al Gore should have been allowed to
serve the term the people and electorate of America elected him to serve for
them. We then also have been working to investigate if there is a legal and
constitutional way to restore that term to Vice President Gore, and a petition
to that effect is on our site. The petition will remain there as long as it
takes to see justice, if that day ever comes.
Ridiculous! Jim asks at the end of his post just what method would be employed to restore that term to Gore. I personally believe that they will have to spend 14 months smoking their breakfasts and attempting to resurrect Albert Einstein. Then, after spending 24 months bringing Albert up to speed on the new technologies established since his death and teaching him the history he missed, they will have to spend another 12 months showing him around town and introducing him to Legos and Fruit Roll-ups. Then, Albert will knuckle down and spend another 24-36 months inventing the technologies to fill the gap and bring into being time travel. It will take another three years or so to work out the kinks and test the machine to a satisfactory result. Then of course someone could go back and "fix" the election. If they start smoking and studying the Dark Arts now, I figure the Magic Time Machine will be ready somewhere around Mid-March 2014. Of course, this does give Congress plenty of time to outlaw time travel, but we'll just assume a bunch of potheads can keep the secret and the ambition for that long. (Them being potheads by the very nature of needing to smoke that many breakfasts; and potheads not being especially known for being driven or for their achievements, or for being all that reserved. Speaking in generalities here. I do not mean to malign the hordes of over-achieving, conservative, tight-lipped potheads out there.)
You heard it here first, folks. Albert Einstein will invent the Magic Time Machine after Old Scratch and his pothead followers resurrect him, introduce him to the munchies, then put him to work. After all of which we will finally have a President Al Gore. It takes a village, don't it?
While the idiots are working on this, I will form a crack team of super scientists who will have 5 years to invent a time machine for me, beating Einstein to the punch, though all in super-secret stealth mode. When completed, I will send them into the future to prevent Einstein and the Potheads from completing their mission. I will therefore have saved democracy and prevented them from stealing the elections of 2004, 2008, 2012, and 2016 from the rightful winners.
How do I come by this? Anyone who has seen "Back to the Future" knows that if you tamper with history everything skews off course. Therefore, I will be awarded a Special Medal by Speaker of the House Britney Spears-Federline.
Hey, if they can dream, so can I!
Labels: Meme Time
