Topic Worthy of the Divas
The Demystifying Divas have tackled many unwieldy topics in the past, ranging from beauty to adultery. The ladies are very good at what they do, and the Men's Club provides a nice balance and alternate perspective.But, my recent walks down memory lane have prompted me to ask a question of the Divas and The Men. Here's the story. The question is at the end.
When I was in high school, I had a steady boyfriend. I had a large group of friends and we all lived in the same village which was somewhat hoity-toity. Moreover, we were all what some might call over-achievers. We were the brainy rich kids. Now while we were sort of clique-y, we didn't exclude outsiders. On the contrary, we welcomed anybody to the crowd, but few of them stayed around long enough to learn all of the inside jokes. That's a common characteristic of all groups of good friends.
Now, in our Sophomore year, just before I got my driver's license, a new girl moved into the neighborhood. Being the friendly little queen bees that we were, my best friend Christine and I went over and introduced ourselves to the new girl. Being a new girl, she was different, but that didn't frighten us. It should have.
There were many warning signs, but we ignored them all.
I have written in the past about how I hung with one girl (Christine) and a bunch of guys. And this set up worked well until we introduced Jessica to the group. You see, Jessica was one of those girls who is malicious and lacking in any true sense of friendship. At our first group thing with Jessica, she made herself the center of attention. She was the dancing monkey and the boys were entertained. Later that evening on the walk home, she confessed to Christine that she was "in love with" Andrew. She's known him a whole 3 hours, but whatever. Christine and I just figured she was boy crazy.
At the next group function, she put on the full court press, targeting Andrew like he was a prize buck and it was opening day. It was embarrassing for Andrew to keep politely moving seats and avoiding her. It was horrifying to watch this clumsy man-eater's display. Andrew finally dragged Craig out and they left early - something that had never happened before.
At the third get-together, Jessica had seemed to cool her jets. She was being friendly, but apparently it was no longer open season on tall red-headed men. I thought the worst was behind us. WRONG. The predator had merely adapted. She honed her sneaky skills and began to scheme. In the following weeks, she "fell in love" with several of the guys, only to send them screaming for the hills in terror. She lacked polish and any semblance of decorum, and it scared the crap out of those high school boys.
All seemed to calm down, and Jessica started to spend less time with the group. However, one day I learned that my boyfriend was going to ride the bus home with Jessica to tutor her in Geometry. (Brainy nerds that we were, this was a subject we'd all done and had moved past. Jessica - not so bright. In more ways than one.) I had no problem with it. I mean, I had helped Mickey with his papers and vocabulary, so what was the big deal? Eric planned to come to my house afterward so that I could drive him home after we had done our Trigonometry.
However, Eric arrived at my house much earlier than expected. He had news, or I should say a teen drama to share. When Jessica and Eric had arrived at her house, she wasn't interested in Geometry, but in the shape of other things like Anatomy. Eric was a red-blooded teenage boy - he was flattered - but I think she scared even him with her aggressive antics. I don't want to dwell too much on the particulars, suffice it to say that nothing happened beyond some female nudity and some unwelcome kissing.
Eric told me all of this not 15 minutes after it had happened. I felt betrayed. Not so much by Eric, who seemed the victim in all of this, but by someone who I had thought to be my friend. Now, I was no more an idiot then than I am now. I am fully aware that any red-blooded teenage boy may have enjoyed some of the more prurient bits of her display, may have even encouraged her by being mute and letting her continue. I am even aware that teenage boy might have played up his victimization to the girlfriend when he came clean.
But, I had seen this girl in action before. The tale he told didn't exactly require a leap or stretch of the imagination. In fact, I didn't even have to do any mental calisthenics to envision the whole sordid affair. It had been staring me in the face for some time what kind of a person she was. Naturally, I didn't want to be her friend anymore. I didn't see the need to cause an ugly scene - that department had already been handled by her own actions. Moreover, I'm a private person. My public persona in high school, however, was in the limelight. The last thing I wanted to do was air her dirty laundry on my public clothesline.
So I left it alone, hurt as I was, and simply withdrew from our clearly one-sided friendship. She'd proven herself no friend of mine, I felt. But, she chose to make it an issue. In a public forum, she got screechy and demanded to know what was my problem. (Did I mention that all of my guy friends and Christine were present when she went nuts?) In a calm yet commanding voice I informed her that she knew what my problem was, if she cared to think about it for a moment. This teenage girl drama stunned the guys. You see, only Christine and Eric knew what the issue was. I didn't see any reason to destroy the idiot socially. That was my mistake.
The guys knew that if I hadn't told them that I wasn't going to. So, she took advantage and played the victim card to the hilt by giving the guys a story about 'Mean Phoenix' that had absolutely nothing in common with the truth.
Soon enough, the guys were coming to me to intercede on her behalf. They even suggested that she come to church group with us to listen to the sermon about relationships. Not long after that bit of fun, Jessica started sending me notes like this, "Christians forgive and forget." Needless to say, this was the last straw for me. I lost my cool. I told the guys the whole story, in a screaming tirade, and that I couldn't be a friend to someone who wasn't a friend to me in return. I don't like being betrayed by my friends. Can I forgive, sure! Forget? Nope. Sorry. She hurt me. I can forgive her, but I'm not going to put myself in the position again. I didn't want to be her friend. If that means I'm not a Christian, so be it.
So, my questions for the divas and gents are these: How do you deal with someone who is so sexually aggressive that they make people uncomfortable? Was I in the wrong? Should I have seen it more as a casual indiscretion than a betrayal of a friendship? Isn't there an unwritten code that you don't chase after/throw yourself at the current flame of a friend? I'm not talking about someone they are interested in, but someone they are actively involved with. Am I a bad Christian? I can't honestly say I'd behave any differently if it happened tomorrow with a "friend" going after my husband. In fact, I have a feeling I'd take it a lot more personally. What should I have done differently? Now that is a topic worthy of the Divas.
