He said What?
Thursday. Again. Where has the week gone? I am soooo behind. Nevertheless, I needs must stretch the ol' diva muscles and tackle a new topic.Today's topic: What men/women say and what they really mean and why men grunt instead of speaking.
I shall tackle the grunt first. I believe that men grunt out of laziness. That's right. You heard me! They grunt out of laziness. Now, this laziness is not necessarily about using oxygen or lips or vocal cords. No, no, no. This laziness is about not wanting to make a decision. For example:
"What do you want for supper?" I ask. He grunts in reply.
"What do you want to do this weekend?" I ask. He grunts in reply.
"Which sweater should I wear - the red or the black?" He grunts in reply.
Now, ask another type of question and you'll note that you never get a grunt in reply.
"Jamie offered me free season box tickets to the Badger home games, but I told him you wouldn't want them. That's right, isn't it?" Insert manly tirade here that is noticeably absent of grunts.
"My boss wanted to know if you wanted the spare ticket and seat on the company jet to the Super Bowl. Isn't that the weekend of your boy's weekend at the casino?" Again, no grunts will color the response.
"What if instead of going out for steak tonight, we give that new sushi place a try?" The wailing and gnashing of teeth will be heard for miles, but there will be no grunts.
Men grunt when they don't want to be bothered with your mundane questions. They don't want to be involved in the decision, so they abdicate responsibility for the subject, leaving you to interpret the grunt as you see fit. This can come in very handy if you learn to broach your topics correctly.
Now, the bigger issue of what women say and what they really mean. (I, as a woman, can't answer the other side of the question with as much authority, so will leave that to the fellas.)
Generally speaking, I mean exactly what I say. It may be convoluted and you may not understand it, but that is not my fault. Of course, there are a few things that have hidden meanings. I am, afterall, a woman of mystery.
- If I say that I am "fine", I want you to change the subject and leave my state of happiness alone.
- If I say that I "don't care", I want you to make a suggestion, which I reserve the right to blow out of the water.
- If I say that I "am hungry", it means we need to eat now, not 3 hours from now when you have finally emerged from your couch cocoon.
- If I say that I "need to pee", it means pull over at the first clean facilities or clean up is on you.
- If I say that "I love you", it means I need to hear you say it back.
- If I say that "I missed you", it means don't stay away so long next time.
- If I say that "I'm tired", it means let's go to bed, not necessarily to sleep.
- If I describe some other woman as being "nice", it means she's blander than toast and not worth my time.
- If I describe some man as being "nice", it means he's a pushover whose life is run by his wife.
Well, that ought to give you a bit of insight. I hope it was helpful. For more scintillating discourse on this subject, check out what the others have to say.
Demystifying Divas: Kathy, Silk, Sadie, and the guest posting Ms Vile
Men's Club: Phin, Naked Villainy, Jamesyboy, That 1 Guy, and Stigmata
