Battles with Bureaucracy
I went to the animal fair.The birds and the beast were there.
The big baboon, by the light of the moon, was coming his auburn hair.
The monkey, he got drunk.
And sat on the elephant's trunk.
The elephant sneezed and fell to his knees,
and that was the end of the monk!
This song kept going through my head as I was running the maze of bureaucracy at our local medical clinic yesterday. For some reason, I felt like the monkey.
I went to the clinic yesterday for the first time to interview the pediatrician that had been recommended to me. I made the appointment two weeks ago for this past Tuesday, but they called Tuesday morning and moved me to Thursday. No big deal, I thought. I don't have a medical situation.
They sent out a reminder letter, telling me the location of the clinic, the time of the appointment, and that Pediatrics was on the second floor. Groovy.
I arrived 10 minutes early for my 3:00 p.m. appointment, located the elevator, and promptly made my way to the second floor. Upon stepping out of the elevator, though, I came upon my first obstacle.
A sign blocked my way that said, "Please check-in with a medical assistant." So I stood there next to the sign waiting for one of the clearly not busy medical assistants to notice my presence. Finally, one noticed me. She asked me my name. I told her. She asked if I had "registered" downstairs. "No," I said. My letter told me to go to the second floor, so that was what I had done.
She directed me to go back downstairs. And I did. Whereupon, I had to wait for one of the other idiots in a bank of unbusy workers to notice me and deign to put down her magazine to help me. Finally, one called me over and get this - merely verified all of the information that existed on me in their computer. I didn't add any new information, they had it all. They printed the screen and gave me the paper and a medical chart and sent me back upstairs to see the Head Villainess in Bureaucratic Hell.
So, now familiar with the dance steps, I went back upstairs to see her. Once again, I had to wait by the signpost to the seven levels for some time before she noticed me. Then, in directing me over to her torture chamber, she acted as though she'd never seen me before. She asked if I had registered downstairs. I swear, I wanted to say, "no, lady, I decided to just pretend to do what you told me, figuring you'd be too busy to help me when I came back and I could sneak past your little security gate here. God forbid we actually let the sick see medical professionals!" But, of course, I didn't say any of that.
I gave her my chart and she looked for me on the list. From off to the left, I hear the nurse calling my name for my appointment. However, I still haven't been cleared by the Head Villainess, so I can't go to the nurse. The wackjob is still looking for my name on her list (ridiculous, because I was on it the first time she checked) and finally lets me proceed to the waiting room.
However, I am now 10 minutes late for my appointment due to jumping through the bureaucratic hoops, so now I must wait.
And wait.
And wait some more.
Then, I finally get to meet the doctor and everything is fine.
There was no security to get out, by the way. Or, I guess there could have been and I managed to slip through the dragnet.
Either way, I have to say that it was the biggest waste of my time that I've ever experienced. I felt like the Customer in Monty Python's Cheese Shop skit, only me without my gun. I could have run the place better in my sleep.
