Sigh, Swoon, The First Kiss
Today's topic for the glamorous gals of the Demystifying Divas and the Manly Mates of the Men's Club is Making the Move: The First Kiss.Now, I have to admit, I'm a get-kissed the first time kind of girl, not the kind who runs around planting my lips on men at random. As such, I've decided to paint a picture of how I'd like to be approached for the first kiss, to give insight to the men.
It isn't that I disapprove of women who make the first move, per se, I'm just not one of them. As such, my advice on that score wouldn't be very helpful, would it?
Let's get on with it...
If you want to make a girl like me swoon, see stars, and generally go weak in the knees, you need to catch me off guard in a spontaneous moment. Don't wait until the end of the evening as though it is 1955 and you are Wally Cleaver. There is too much tension built into those moments for no reason. If we have enjoyed each other's company, and believe me you'll know, seize the opportune moment.
Say, for example, that we are walking back to the car from a lovely supper. Take my hand, pull me close, and look deep and meaningfully into my eyes. Say something simple and charming like "I simply must." Then, slowly descend and softly but decisively press your lips to mine.
Cut this first moment a bit short before delving deeper. This will allow me to catch my breath. (This is necessary because if you've done the lead-in and the surprise correctly, I will need more air.) Once I've taken in that air, you can expect me to be ready for more. Don't say anything in this moment. Look into my eyes again, and take me away from the earthly world with your lips. Kiss me like I am all that you need. Do not slobber. You may nibble on my lip if you desire. Wrap your arms around me and draw me even closer.
Allow the kiss to end sweetly on a sigh. Do not push this first encounter into a full-on assault that is headed for the bedroom. I'm not that kind of girl and your pushiness will get you nowhere.
Let the date move on in a normal course and at the end of the evening I will permit you to kiss me again before I close the door and you make your way home.
That is how I would instruct someone to make the first move.
Now, I must admit that I am not so picky. The above described scenario I would categorize as ideal. But, for an academic perusal, I feel it only fair to describe the most recent first kiss I've received, how it came about, and how successful it was.
Back in 1998, Prince Charming (who was then just Co-Worker X) and I and two friends were at a country bar in Champaign, IL. Everyone except the designated driver was drunk. I was drinking tequila shots and MGD bottles. Needless to say, I was drunk silly. Co-Worker X was drinking Brandy & Cokes and I had been stealing his cherries all night. (No jokes, please.)
At some point I became too dizzy to dance in my cowboy boots, so I sat out the Tush Push. Co-Worker X offered me another cherry and as I leaned in to accept it with my mouth, he kissed me instead.
This was quite a surprise to me.
And then, after I caught my breath, he kissed me again only deeper.
I was all atwitter. Quite suddenly I was sober and in dire need of the ladies room.
Long story short, we closed down the bar and our DD drove us home. When we arrived at my place, he walked me to the door and kissed me again.
He said, "Either you invite me in now, or I'll be back for breakfast."
I swear I don't remember what I said. I do know that for discretion's sake I sent him back to the car where our co-workers were waiting to take him home. I fretted and fidgeted in my own living room for about 45 minutes finding myself completely sober in no time. Then I drove over to his place.
And the rest is history.
Now, it is important to note, from a scientific approach, that Prince Charming's attempt at making the big move was not exactly perfect. However, you can't say that it wasn't a success. So, cheesy lines aside, I'm not sure that there is a perfect formula. The key ingredients for this kind of girl seem to be a) take me by surprise, b) look deep into my eyes, c) let me breathe, and d) hold me close.
Don't be timid. Be strong and confident but respectful and appreciative. Imagine that you are sipping the nectar of the God's Delight. Do so with all due reverance without being sappy.
That ought to do the trick.
Ordinarily, this is the place where I would direct you to see what the other Divas and Gents have to say on this weighty matter. However, the Divas have seen the defection of our senior leadership and we've also lost our fishy friend. I'm not sure how many will actually post on today's topic, but I will update this post as I discover those participating.
To be honest, I can't really blame Sadie, Kathy, and Phin for defecting. I know they have lives outside of the blogosphere, as do I, and it can be difficult at times to balance everything. Furthermore, most of us blog as a hobby. If you have to start worrying about weekly essays, the fun of the hobby starts to look more and more like work. They will be heartily missed by me and others, I know. I personally loved to read what these three would have to say each week. Perhaps they will ring in from time to time.
For my part, an apology is necessary. I'm not a chat room kind of girl. I barely have enough time to answer email, surf, and blog (oh, yeah, and balance work, holiday crap, and baby). When the site went through its transition, I lost track and only recently found my way back. So, no recriminations, I love you Sadie, Kathy, and Phin, and will continue to chuckle at your pearls of wisdom.
If participation takes place, you may expect the following to have something to say:
Divas:
Ally
Silk
Gents:
Jamesyboy
The Maximum Leader
Puffy
The Wizard
Leave me a comment if you post on the topic and I'll update the links.
Update: Okay, so it turns out I jumped the gun. Everybody else is taking this week off, so this same post will be making a return on Dec. 8th.
