Conspiracy Outed
Our Maximum Leader, yes he of the floppy mylan cap, has graciously stepped into the huge shoes left by The Crack Young Staff of The Hatemonger's Quarterly while said Crack Young Staff, let's call them collectively "Chip", goes on walk-about.Yes, "Chip" and the rest of the staff have gone on The Hatemonger's Quarterly Annual Company Retreat, leaving the keys to the blog in the excellent hands of Our Maximum Leader, he of Naked Villainy fame.
Today, in perfect form, Our Maximum Leader brings the harsh glaring spotlight to bear on a horrendous international conspiracy that threatens our very way of life. Indeed, every red-blooded, apple-pie-loving American should be wary of the evil that threatens our very existence: Beware the Importation of Soccer/Futbol Hooligans.
The crux of the matter:
This elite gang of team-owning robber barons has plotted to undermine the foundations of our nation through the introduction of soccer hooligans to our shores. The plan calls for the hooligans to first disrupt basketball games, and then move on to football and baseball. Eventually, the hooligans will move from professional games to semi-professional games and then onto collegiate sports then high school, then little league. In the course of a few short years no public sporting event will be safe. A Democratically controlled Congress will investigate and eventually set about enacting a massive legislative package that will diminish our personal liberties and even outlaw apple pie.
Outlaw Apple Pie?!? Hooligans at Little League Games?!?
Say it isn't so!
Man the torpedoes! All hands on deck! 40 Acres and a Mule! Pull up your socks, boys, Kiss your Girls, and Pick up a Rifle!
The Soccer/Futbol Hooligans are coming!
Labels: Quirky
