Neighborhood Politics
I live in a new subdivision where almost everybody built their own home. In a few month's time, the developers will have finished the subdivision, the last lot closed, and they will begin working on phase II. When that happens, the covenants and restrictions of the subdivision will no longer be enforced by the developers. That passes either to a neighborhood association or becomes a source of litigation between neighbors. I, and many of my neighbors, are attempting to form a neighborhood association so as to take over the enforcement of these covenants and thereby protect our investments in our homes and property values.But I am rapidly finding the ugly and bitter side of local politics to be...ugly and bitter. For example, take a woman down the street who we will call 'Lisa'. Lisa likes to stir the pot. She is terribly busy gossiping and spreading false rumors, but can't be bothered to actually come to a meeting. I understand being busy. I do. But this woman is acting as though we are talking about hosting the olympics in the same week we are hosting the World Series and the Superbowl and is spreading all sorts of false information without any benefit of actual knowledge. She has written me multiple multi-page emails, which I have faithfully answered and dispelled these rumors, but she continues to spread them anyway. Moreover, despite my being nothing but professional, up-front, honest and helpful, she is telling people that I am "too young and lacking in life experience" to be working on this.
This really offends me. Perhaps it shouldn't, but I have been nothing but nice to this person, answering her multiple long-winded rambling and repetitive emails. I have never claimed to be an expert on neighborhood associations, nor have I been deemed the Queen Bee of the thing. All I have done is gather email addresses and send out blanket emails regarding the date and time of meetings. But apparently I am too young for even these tasks. And don't forget the "lacking in life experience" part. The joke of all of this is, she is only two years older than me. She has 3 kids, but I have heard that she does a very poor job raising them. I don't know. I only know that if you are going to devote 36 hours per day to talking to people about a neighborhood association, it would be helpful if YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO A DAMN MEETING!
My neighborhood is like Wisteria Lane. There is a group of women friends just like the Desperate Housewives, and there is the craziness of that neighborhood as well. For example, on the corner we have the people who everybody else hate. They have four teenage sons who are the hellions of the subdivision. These people have three large dogs who they don't feel the need to actually supervise (but then, this might be too much to ask from people who don't supervise their children). The dogs roam the neighborhood, menacing the children and adults of other homes, and can be quite belligerent. Their children are actually worse than the dogs! These kids, each of whom have their own vehicles and equally obnoxious friends, make a habit of racing on our little streets. It is not uncommon to catch them blowing stop signs and driving 60+ mph down our streets where little kids and dogs play. They like to park their cars in the street so that other people's driveways are blocked. They like to chase the snowplows with their snowmobiles and tear up other people's lawns with their four-wheelers. Their parents couldn't care less if you complain, mostly because they don't seem to want to do any actual parenting. As a matter of fact, rumor says that they buy their own kids alcohol and drugs.
Last spring one of my neighbors got caught and tried as a child molester. She was sleeping with her 14-year-old son's best friend. They don't live in the neighborhood anymore. Now we have a new family living in the child molester's house, and this woman is psycho in a new and bizarre way. She appears to be normal at first glance, but further analysis reveals her to be the kind of person that would crash a dinner party and spend an hour attempting to get your guests to leave. When this attempt fails, she is the sort of person who will go get her mother and bring her back to your dinner party (still uninvited) and continue her attempt to get your guests to leave, but this time she has brought back-up to help her with her pulling of arms toward the door.
Then, of course, there is Lisa at the end of the street. This is the woman who watches what everyone else is doing. One of my housewife friends lives across the street from Lisa. Lisa, who my friend does not consider a friend but an acquaintance, calls my friend 6 or 7 times a day. When my friend arrives home, Lisa calls and wants to know where she has been, with who, doing what, and why. She will call them up and say that she noticed something in their garage (from the door being up for a moment), and what's that all about? Her intrusiveness is so bad, in fact, that they have started screening their calls and no longer turn on the lights in their living room so she won't know that they are home.
We also have the asshat on the hill who feels that he is above all of the rules. This jerk is the reason we need a neighborhood association. He flouts the covenants with multiple infractions. He has built himself a shed against the rules. His deck doesn't meet requirements. And, perhaps the infraction that gets the most attention, he has turned his roof into a lighted year-round shrine to the Green Bay Packers. Yes. Every evening he turns on the lights and we are subjected to the equivalent of a neon sign promoting all things Packer. It is revolting. It is on every night, no matter the season, no matter the day, no matter the weather. Despite multiple complaints and the developer filing suit against him, this display is already worth more than $13K to the guy, and hasn't even reached court yet.
See what I mean? Crazy.
The crazy is balanced with normal (or comparatively normal) people. There is Prince Charming and I, for two. We don't have kids, but we do throw good parties. There is Chris and Lori across the street (one of the housewives). They own their own business in town and have a couple of kids. Steve and Kristy live around the corner from them and across the street from the people with the speeding teenage boys. Kristy is from Virginia and has an adorable accent. She is a stay-at-home mother of two toddlers and is the chief witness against the shenanigans of the neighborhood hellions. Across the street from Psycho Lisa lives Ann and Dave. They are pregnant with their first and still trying to finish their basement. Jeremy and Linda live next door to us, and they are nice people. They have three girls, including a set of twins, and boy do they love to party!
There are other people who live there too. But the longer we live there, the more similarities I see between our neighborhood and Wisteria Lane.
