A thorough analysis of the Koran reveals that the US will cease to exist in the year 2007, according to research published by Palestinian scholar Ziad Silwadi.

Yeah, right. Like that will happen.

The study, which has caught the attention of millions of Muslims worldwide, is based on in-depth interpretations of various verses in the Koran. It predicts that the US will be hit by a tsunami larger than that which recently struck southeast Asia.

A tsunami? How original. Did this guy smoke his falafel, or what?

"The tsunami waves are a minor rehearsal in comparison with what awaits the US in 2007," the researcher concluded in his study. "The Holy Koran warns against the Omnipotent Allah's force. A great sin will cause a huge flood in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans."

Oooh. We really are in for a doozy. Simultaneous bi-coastal tsunamis acting in concert? Nevermind the falafel, somebody smoked his camel.

Silwadi, who is from the village of Silwad near Ramallah – the home of Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal – is not a world-renowned scholar. He said he decided to publish the findings of his research "out of a sense of responsibility because what is about to happen is extremely shocking and frightening."

And I have a theory about the coming end of all Arabia that I crafted from old Bazooka Joe comics, a 1982 Archie and Me, and the inside of a box of Captain Crunch. Anybody want to hear it?

His fear, he said, is that the world economy, which relies heavily on the US dollar, would be deeply affected by the collapse of the US.

Well, no shit, Sherlock. Fortunately for you, we're gonna be just fine. 'Cause what in the world would you do if you had to actually do something instead of smoke camel butt and create bullshit theories of the future based on ancient texts, taking everything out of context and wrapping it in a savory bundle to make headlines? Egads. You might have to work!

"It would be fair to say that the world would be better off with a US that is not a superpower and that does not take advantage of weak nations than a world where this country does not exist at all," he added."The world will certainly lose a lot if and when this disaster occurs because of the great services that American society has rendered to the economy, industry and science."

Even when this guy tries to be nice he pisses me off.

Silwadi said his study of the Koran showed that the US would perish mainly because of its great sins against mankind, including the Native Americans and blacks.

"Study"?!? Oh, okay bub. You win. Ladies and gentlemen: Villains Vanquished's Idiot of the Week!

"As soon as the Europeans started arriving in the new world discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, they declared a war on the so-called Red Indians, the legitimate owners of the land," he wrote. "Then they began enslaving and humiliating Africans after kidnapping them from their countries and bringing them to America. Millions of blacks were brought to the US and treated with unprecedented harshness. Those who became ill during the journey were thrown overboard to feed the fish."

Because, you know, Palestinians are experts in American History. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

It goes on from there, but I assure you, it doesn't get better.