Thursday, September 22, 2005
Speaking of Villains...
The Maximum Leader of Naked Villainy posts a set of policy proposals for the US that ought to really give the world something to scream about. Check them out here. They are FAB!

All ten items are excellent suggestions, but my favorites are numbers 3 and 10:

3) Implement a true "you have it, we want it, we take it" foreign policy. Suppose we need more oil. We invade your country and take it. We pay nothing for it. We kill as many people as we need to in order to get it. Then we leave. This policy also goes for gold, silver, uranium, sheep, apes, elephants, coconuts, bananas, exotic hot chicks, whatever really. We can get really whimsical on this one... Maybe one day Congress decides we need a national "schnitzel day." The night before, we invade Germany and/or Austria and take all the schnitzel we can lay our hands on...

10) First, put a whole bunch of nasty neutron bombs on satellites. Then start a new season of "Survivor." The season will be entitled "Survivor: The 3rd World." Multinational teams from all over the 3rd world will compete against each other. Teams will seek to win contests and earn "immunity." Losing teams will have to vote off one team member. The contestant voted off will be summarily executed and his nation bombed indiscriminately. Eventually the one surviving contestant will be given $1 million (US) and his nation given Commonwealth status. (Just like Puerto Rico!)

I have petitioned the Maximum Leader for the right to be his Press Secretary when he wins the election and begins implementing these new policies. I would LOVE to be the one to cause Helen Thomas's face to become frozen in sheer frustration, confusion, and outrage. I mean, really, they'd have to develop a whole new language as they've already used up all of the derogatory and inflamatory characterizations and parallels in their attempt to beat the "Bush=Hitler" dead horse.

Imagine how much fun it would be to stand at the podium and explain to the White House Press Corps the new season of Survivor, then tell them that only members of the White House Press Corps would be eligible to embed with the competitors! Now that's good television!
posted by Phoenix | 8:58 AM


At 1:40 PM, Blogger The Maximum Leader said...

Thanks for the glowing comments. 10 seems to be just about everyone's fav. 9 & 3 also have strong followings.

At 7:44 PM, Blogger amelie said...

i hope the maximum leader DOES make you his press secretary!


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