Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Notice to Public
I am vexed. Moreover, you can be certain that I am vexed beyond measure because I am writing about something that happened on Monday. You see, even after two days I still haven't cooled down.

So, I was waiting in line at the Walgreens drive thru pharmacy...Ah, but let me backtrack. Monday morning, I got online and requested a refill of my prescription, making an appointment to pick it up at 4:00 p.m. that afternoon. This online request process is very handy, for those of you unaware, and only takes 2 minutes to complete.

I arrive at Walgreens that afternoon and find that there are six cars in front of me, three in each lane. Now fortunately, I did not have to commit to a lane right away. So, I had some time to ascertain which lane was moving faster.

But it didn't matter. Because all of those yokels in front of me acted like they'd just arrived on Earth from the outer rim of Gadzooksia, and were entirely unprepared for every step of a pharmacy purchase. I know what you are thinking: Why didn't I just go inside? Am I right?

It was the principle of the matter. I was prepared. I had made an appointment. I was there by right. And I was not going to let the Gadzooksians win! So I not so patiently waited in line for 25 minutes. In that time, I had plenty of time to imagine the full transactions of all six of the people ahead of me. Here is what I imagined them to be saying:


Pharmacist: Hello. Can I help you?

Driver: Is this a Pharmacy?

Pharmacist: Why yes, yes it is.

Driver: What is a Pharmacy, and why am I here?

Pharmacist: A pharmacy is a place where you can get doctor-prescribed medication. As to why, I can't be sure. Perhaps you have a prescription to fill...?

Driver: Hmmm. That could be it.


Driver: Yes, yes. I'll take a prescription please.

Pharmacist: Did your doctor call it in, or did he perhaps give you a piece of paper...?

Driver: I'm not sure.

Pharmacist: Well, I can look it up. What is your name?

Driver: It seems like I should know that.

Pharmacist: You don't know your name? How about your doctor's name?

Driver: It seems like I should know that too.

(After 5 minutes of mysterious name-searching)

Pharmacist: Do you have insurance or a prescription drug card?

Driver: Hmm. It seems like I ought to.

(Five more minutes of mindless idiotic blather, followed by the eventual satisfaction of the Gadzooksian.)

See what I mean? Completely unprepared for life outside of their mind pods. I swear!

In contrast, once I finally got up to the window, my transaction took all of 3 minutes. It could have taken only 2 minutes, but I had to wait for a pharmacist to become available to ask me any questions.

Pharmacist Assistant: Can I help you?

Phoenix: Yes. My name is Phoenix of Villains Vanquished. I requested a refill of my prescription online this morning.

P. A.: Yes. Here it is.

Phoenix: Fantastic.

P.A.: That will be $5.00.

Phoenix: Okay.

P.A.: The pharmacist will be with you shortly.

Pharmacist: Do you have any questions about the medication?

Phoenix: No. Thank you.

Pharmacist: Have a nice day.

See, people? It doesn't have to be so hard. Pull your heads from your rectums and breathe some fresh air. Either that, or get out of the fast lane. Next time I won't be so patient with your Gadzooksian antics.

posted by Phoenix | 8:08 AM


At 12:30 PM, Blogger Agent Bedhead said...

Heee hee. Did you say "Excuse me, but I am a Diva. Get the hell out of my way, beeeyotch!"

At 1:27 PM, Blogger amelie said...

pharmacies are either ridiculous in the amount of time THEY take to fill it, or they attract the most ridiculous people to keep them from being efficient [and no, i don't mean you, coz; i mean the Gadzooksians]

At 3:55 PM, Anonymous silk said...

Next time stomp them with a stilletto and choke them with your feather boa dear!


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