Thursday, May 04, 2006
Forbidden Fruit
This week the Divas and Gents are tackling a topic sure to have people nattering on at the water coolers. 'Cause you know, we are all about being au courant, or something.

So...Off Limits: Which members of the opposite sex do you consider forever off limits and why?

This question is all about maintaining non-romantic relationships by respecting boundaries.

The following is a short list of fruit better left unsampled...

1. Any of Mom's past or present paramours. It doesn't matter if she went beefcake shopping and found herself someone your age or younger, you can't shag mommy's leftovers. It can't end well. For one thing, could you get past the idea of sharing a man with your mom? I couldn't. And even if you could, she couldn't. You'll never hear the end of it, she'll make your lives hell. Don't do it.

2. Any of your sister's past or present paramours. This may be ever frat boy's fantasy (having sisters), but it will invariably lead to comparisons. "Your sister used to..." in a wheedling, pleading voice is not what you want to hear, I'm sure. You will not feel good about this relationship and it could conceivably prevent you from getting what you need in the way or bone marrow in the future from the person most like you on a DNA level - your sibling.

3. Any of your own ex-paramours siblings. Don't go dating your ex's little brother. Are you insane? Instead of getting crap from one group, you'll get it on every front. You'll hear about it from your dentist, for cripe's sake. This is a mistake. Don't do it.

4. Your cousins. I don't care where you are from, this is nasty.

5. Your past or present step-siblings. While technically not incest, you should still avoid this. It doesn't make for interesting dinner conversation and might give the little old lady up the block a heart attack when she catches you in the back seat of the caddie "playing" with your brother. She may not realize that he isn't your real brother, and she'll end up telling everyone she knows and you'll get all sorts of looks around town.

6. Your Dad and/or Grandpa's buddies. I know, I know, it is unfair. Men only get more sexy as they age and I'm putting the kibosh on your Sean Connery fantasies. So sue me. Can you imagine the fall out when your grandfather accidentally discovers that the hot young piece of ass keeping his buddy "fit" is the little girl he built a playhouse for? You will be killing him. And if you start messing around with Dad's college or army buddy, he will kill you and the buddy. Don't do it.

7. Your ex-fiance's best-friend or best man. If you are engaged and then the engagement is broken, whether by you or your would-be groom, your man's best-friend/best man is forever off limits. If the broken engagement was your idea, he will need this guy to help him pick up the pieces by getting him stinking drunk at the local titty bar. If your fiance broke off the engagement, well, you don't want to be with the scumbag's friends now, do you? And don't go screwing the best man and causing the wedding to be called off, either.

8. Your friend's ex or current beau. If you start seeing this guy, neither you nor your friend will be comfortable in each other's company again. She'll be jealous or hurt that you are "taking his side." She'll see it as abandonment or worse. You'll end up getting stuck in their relationship garbage and spend 2 years digging out. Don't do it.

9. Anyone who doesn't treat you like a Princess. If he doesn't treat you supremely well, walk away. You are worth more than that, and there is no point settling for a troll.
For more forbidden fruit, see what Silk, Theresa, Arielle, Mark, Jamesyboy, and Jim have to say.
posted by Phoenix | 8:56 AM


At 12:08 PM, Blogger WitNit said...

So very sensible, so very civilized, and so very female. Ah, if only we men could be civilized.


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