Me and Sports
Two words that just don't mix.I'm telling you, I am useless at sports. You are a fool if you think I'm going to be an asset in this department. The highlights of my sporting career are these:
* In gradeschool, I was an important member on the 2nd place beachball volleyball team. That's right, volleyball played with a beach ball. Now that was fun, and it didn't hurt a bit.
* In middle school, I was the winning quarterback on the Memorial Day Weekend girls vs. boys touch football games. Every year. I can throw a nerf football in a beautiful spiral that even a girl can catch. We decimated those boys everytime. I was a football goddess!
* In high school, I was decent at badminton.
But other than that, you'd be better off with any random armadillo. Seriously.
So it is with that preview that I tell this story:
I was once a very important member of a 2-man basketball team.
In high school, one of the gym teachers/coaches decided that the same people spent all of their time together in Gym. So, he decided to mix it up and created two-man teams for an all-out basketball tourney. In gym class.
As the short, brainy, girly type, I was not much skilled. So what did the coach do? He paired me with this tall, built, black basketball God. You know, shorter and more built than Jordan, but born palming a basketball. We looked like a comedy routine. It could have been a sitcom, it was so ridiculous.
So our game plan developed. The basketball God asked me if I had any skills, then he put me to the test. I can catch the ball when it is passed to me. I can even put the ball in the basket one out of every three attempts. I can not, however, stand my ground against guys who had an 18 inches of height and reach on my 5'3". So, a clever devise was employed.
The Basketball God was exceedingly clever, if not book smart. He told me to hang out around below the basket in what I will refer to as my comfort zone. He would do all of the ball handling and draw the opposite team's 2 men to him. He would handle the scoring and the defense. What was left for me to do? Ah, therein lies the beauty. Every once in a while he would pass me the ball. I could then, he directed me, either attempt a basket or pass the ball back to him once he had shaken one of the defenders.
You wouldn't believe it, but we were very successful. We didn't win the tourney, but we did much better than I would have expected. So there you go. The crowning achievement in my sporting career: Chief Distraction. That's right. I'm proud of the fact that I stood around and got in the way and scored maybe 10 points/game. Well, I was the second-highest scorng member of the team!
Or so I tell myself.
