Why do I feel like I need to defend myself?
I just completed this silly questionnaire, a "Personal Wellness Profile" for our health insurance and the entire thing just leaves me feeling very...aggravated.First off, the questions are so stark and allow no opportunity to ask for clarification or middle-road answers. In my experience, there is a lot of middle ground when it comes to your health, you know? Secondly, there is no room to explain why you are answering as you are.
I am a reasonably healthy person, in my estimation. Am I running marathons? No. Would I if I could? No. I don't enjoy running. But on the other hand, I'm not a shut-in either.
Why do I feel that this form is judging me? It seems as though this form is telling me that I'm doing everything wrong, completely botching things, and destined for an early grave.
I have a very busy schedule! I get up at 5 am, shower and dress for my day. I wake the baby at 5:45 am and get her dressed and ready for the day. I feed her from 6 until ~ 6:15 am, after which I grab a poptart and a glass of milk. Then I pack the diaper bag and wash any dishes, and fold any laundry from the night before. From 6:30 to 6:45 I play with Bunny and say goodbye for the day. Her father arrives home from work at 6:45 am and I leave for work. I arrive at work at 7:15 am. I hustle to get square against all of my markets, then slowly slow down into other workday items. I have lunch around 2 pm and leave work at 4 pm. I pick Bunny Boop up at 4:30 from daycare. By the time we have arrived home, cleaned out the diaper bag, sorted the mail, and changed clothes, it is 5 pm. I feed Bunny her supper and then let her play while I clean the kitchen/prep supper/pay bills. At 6 pm, Bunny has her bath. From 6:30 to 7 I make supper (if we are having a nice meal). Supper is on the table at 7, at which time I wake my husband, and we eat. Then I clean up. Then I get to spend about an hour with my husband before it is time for him to get ready to go to work. The baby has her final bottle around 8 pm and usually falls asleep between 8:30 and 9 pm. I go to bed between 9 and 10 pm. In addition to all of this, I somehow manage to keep in contact with my sisters and parents, plan vacations, do laundry, and pick up around the house.
And yet, answering the questions on this survey would suggest that I do nothing but lay about the house eating bonbons all day long. As though being a mother isn't an aerobic activity in and of itself!
I don't smoke and never have. I only mention it because it is an issue on the form and I will soon be going to see someone so that they can certify the truth of this statement.
I rarely drink. This is another big issue on this form. When I do drink, once every 2-3 months, I rarely have more than 2 drinks. This is primarily because I can't drink more than that and still be vertical and because I just haven't wanted to drink since I got pregnant.
Now, I'm certainly not in excellent shape. This is very true. I am not the same size I was in college. But, prior to getting pregnant I was the same size for about 8 years. I am not the same shape I was before the pregnancy, and I probably weigh more, but HELLO! I've been making a baby.
Am I happy with the way that I look? No. But I don't know a single woman who is happy with the way that she looks. Furthermore, there are just more important things in my life. First and second on that list being spending time with my child so that she grows up happy, well-adjusted, inquisitive, polite, confident, and loved and spending time with my husband and maintaining a healthy marriage. I don't have time to play tennis or racketball 3 times per week. I don't have time to go to a gym and do the things that would make me more fit. When would I fit it in?
It just makes me mad, to be honest. It seems to imply that I'm doing a poor job managing all of my responsibilities - a real insult to someone who is as organized as I usually am. Right after I had the baby I was doing a really good job of working out after she fell asleep and before I went to bed. I would do pilates and then hit the sack. I got out of the habit of this when my little sister moved in because we'd sit and talk or do other things in this time. Our whirlwind of obligations has finally slowed down and I'm back to this routine again. I feel good about it too. Yoga and pilates. I enjoy these things. I can fit 20 or 30 minutes in on most days, but not all days.
But, I also know that I'm up against a certain amount of heredity. I would like to be more fit, but it isn't the most important thing to me. Does that make sense? I don't want to wake up one morning and find a beautiful body but no husband and a teenager I don't know in the place where my family used to be.
I don't even know what direction this post is rambling in...
I suppose I'm just disgusted with their one-size-fits-all form and it's judgemental questions that imply I work too much, work out too little, and am generally mucking up my life.
And I really resent the question under "Social Health" issues that puts single-parent, feelings of lonliness, relationship problems, personal crisis, high crime neighborhoods, and domestic violence and abuse in the same category as "there is a handgun in my home."
Oh. My. Freaking. Gawd.
As though the mere presence of a handgun is going to make me suicidal!
Does the fucking questionnaire ask why there is a handgun in the house? Hell no. It doesn't ask me to explain the fact that I have a 2nd Amendment right, that I have the right to protect my life, liberty, and property and that of my child. It doesn't care that I don't particularly want to be a victim of home invasion or rape. No, no, no. It just asks the question judgementally in the same way it might ask how often my pimp visits or how many times my dealer beats me up when I try to buy crack.
Owning a handgun does not make you suicidal. I swear to god.
Filling out idiotic judgemental forms on the other hand...
