In-Laws
Kathleen is having a grand ol' time preparing for an invasion of the in-law kind. I laughed at her descriptions. So apt. Mine are more like locusts...but there you have it. Actually, I could have been reading words I myself had written. Very disconcerting.
I don't believe my mother-in-law likes me, you see. She has the way of saying things that hurt me deeply. Prince Charming contends that she is telling jokes...but you be the judge:
Scenario 1: Imagine if you will the newly engaged 29-year-old woman coming to her mother-in-law-to-be's home for the first time. Everyone wants to know about the wedding plans. Much chagrin over our very intimate gathering planned - and not to wed in a church! Quelle horreur! But none of this bothered me. Rather, it wasn't until one of her daughters mentioned that this would mean more grand-children some day that my jaw dropped. Mother-in-law's comment, "Well, I don't have any more room for pictures."
See, to me that just isn't funny. I read it as a rejection, that she isn't interested in any grandkids I squeeze out. But perhaps my newly-engaged sensibilities were too raw to fully appreciate the wit. Of course, any rejection of a grand-child by her is amazing as she clings to her current grandchildren like a barnacle on a boat. And just as annoying and drag-inducing. Suffocating, really.
Scenario 2: Prince Charming asks mother-in-law for the documentation she has been holding for some years on his life insurance policy. She asks why he needs it. (For a long, long time she has been the sole beneficiary.) "Well," he says, "I'm married now. I need to adjust things." Mother-in-law's reply in caustic tone: "MY LAST NAME IS __________ TOO, you know!"
See, I find that hurful, not funny. Again, I see this as a rejection of me.
Scenario 3: The first time I met the future mother-in-law was the Christmas before we were engaged. Prince Charming had given me a diamond necklace, heart shaped, and quite lovely. We exchanged gifts in private though, because neither of us wanted the full-on exhibition in front of the entire clan. At one point in the day, she asked to see what he had given me for Christmas. So I showed her mine. Then she showed me hers. Hers was a diamond solitaire. Nice. But she doesn't leave it at that. "Do you want to trade?" she asks. Flabbergasted and a bit surprised at this I give a nervous chuckle and say, "No, thanks, I think I'll keep mine."
Now, when this happened I didn't think it was funny. I thought she was perhaps making fun of me, but I didn't think a third-party impartial observer would think it funny either. I still don't. On the contrary. Now I think it was more of her nastiness. Girls don't trade diamonds they've received as a gift from people important to them. It isn't done.
Scenario 4: I have been married mere months to my Prince Charming when mother-in-law asks if we are coming "back home" for father's day. By now, I have come to the conclusion that it is best to let Prince Charming field these types of questions. He says, "No, if you remember, that's when Phoenix's mom is getting married." She gives me that look that says I have intentionally planned things this way to avoid a trip to her home and says, "Oh that's right. Again."
She's a petty tyrant. I tolerate her because she is Prince Charming's mother. But not by any stretch of the imagination do I like her. She's mean. Moreover, if she doesn't need any more grandkids...no problem. My family is such that they already (when they eventually arrive) will have 4 grandparents. Grandparents who will dote on them, spoil them, and not worry about making space for more pictures. I went to highschool. I recognize her taunts and manipulations for what they are. I'm going to give her what she keeps requesting: all the rope she needs to hang herself.
Can you tell that this bothers me? I know that it shouldn't, but it still does. Yet something else to put on my list of areas needing self-improvement.
So, I get the catty little comments. And I have come to learn that no matter what I do, I can't win. If I clean like mad in preparation for a visit, the house doesn't look lived in. If I clean less thoroughly, I "could've put forth more effort." If I make a meal, it ends up being too fancy and too much fuss. If we have brats on the grill...well, you get the drift. She doesn't stay at our house when she comes to the area. She always stays with the sister-in-law. That's where the grand-kids are afterall. And we like it that way.
