Thursday, October 06, 2005
Is He...or Isn't He?
Single, that is.

Today's topic for the Demystifying Divas is simply how one might tell if someone is single.

No adequate discussion of this topic could be considered complete without this obvious tidbit: Just Ask.

There is no harm in asking if someone is attached. Nay, it is the right and proper thing to do, and gives one the pretense of politely acting interested in the person in question.

But I suppose you want more from me than the simple advice listed above? Alright, if you insist.

Here's the real trouble. A man can be attached to a significant other in fact and have no actual interest or commitment to such attachment, leading nice young ladies down the path of becoming the ...GASP...other woman. I don't mean to make light of this.

Some men, whom I refer to as "Cads and Beasts" are always looking to pull another fish into the boat. I don't know if they are just insufferable bastards or if their mommas spanked them not at all. The point is, these cads are looking to make a conquest, put another notch on their bedpost, insert tacky euphemism here.

These are not nice men. They are not worthy of your time. If you are a nice girl, and I assume that you are, you are looking for more than being another in a long list of sally-come-latelys. You are better than this man. He is beneath the insects, this one, and you should steer well clear of him and his ego - the one in his pants and that other one - because they are both weapons he will use against you.

But knowing that there is a population of roaming Cads and Beasts out there is not enough, is it? I haven't prepared you for the hunt, for the possibility of becoming his prey some night at a watering hole.

Here's my advice on how to cull the Worthy Gentlemen from the herd and exclude the Cads and Beasts:

  1. By all means, make conversation. You should be yourself and act at ease, knowing that your fleetness of foot, almost gazelle-like, is much swifter than his lumbering gait. (He is often slowed by his dangling...participles and will look for less flighty prey.) If you fail to make conversation, you can't really be sure of finding a Worthy Gentleman.
  2. Do not make prolonged conversation with someone you find to be a bore or offensive. There are other classes of men beyond Cads & Beasts and Worthy Gentlemen, and you should look to avoid the less desirable of these groups too. However, you should know that one man can be both a Cad and a Beast and a Bore.
  3. If you find someone who interests you physically and intellectually, do seek additional information from him. What does he do for a living? Is he local? Is he less-than-forthcoming about information on himself? If he seems cagey, chances are he is not a Worthy Gentlemen.
  4. You can always look for a ring, but this is not always helpful. If he is married, there is no requirement for a man to wear a ring. (My own husband only wears his when we are dressed up and going out. Farm girl does not want her husband to lose a finger or hand if his ring gets caught up in the machinery.) And if he is unmarried but attached, again there is no ring. This is not a reliable tool for the careful Gazelle.
  5. When he is speaking to you, is he engaged by you and only you? Does he look into your eyes when you speak, or does his gaze meander around the room? If you don't have his full attention, he may be seeking out more lush hunting grounds. Beware!
  6. Run a test. Excuse yourself to the ladies room, but don't really go. Simply disappear from his eyeline and review his behavior in your absence. Does he replace you quickly with some chippie in a short skirt and a burgeoning bosom? Does he seem to mimic or tell jokes about you to his drunken friends? Let his behavior indict him, if it can.
  7. When you return to his side after your "bathroom break", is he happy to see you?
  8. Trust your gut. If he seems unreliable, untrustworthy, or anything else that puts up your hackles, walk away.

There are no hard and fast rules for identifying the single man. The best tools you have are your gut and your inquiring mind. Do not sell these tools short, they can be quite useful.

I've had many friends who found themselves, knowingly or not, the other woman. It never ends well, no matter what you've seen on the Lifetime Network. Steer clear of the Cads and Beasts, ladies, for they will gobble you up and leave your half-eaten, rotting corpse in the ditch of the Serengeti of Love.

The other Divas all have additional advice. Kathy has a test you can take to hone your skills, Silk takes the no-nonsense approach, and Sadie weighs in here. Pammy is our guest Diva this week, so check her out too. I'm quite interested in what the Men's Club will have to say this week. Check out Phin, Stiggy, and the Naked Villains, and don't forget to see what Nugget, who is guest-posting, has to say too.

Update: Oops! Jamesyboy posted this week too for the Men. Check it out.

posted by Phoenix | 7:37 AM


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