Thursday, October 20, 2005
What is He Thinking?
That is today's topic for the Demystifying Divas and The Men's Club. Specifically, the ladies are to offer up three things we'd like to have men explain their views on, and the gents are to do the same for women.

Believe it or not, that last sentence was very difficult to write.

I'd like to offer up the following topics of conversation, seeking insight into the masculine psyche:

Subject the First: Small Sexual Etiquettes

I refer, of course, to the small niceties that well-bred men practice in relation to the fairer sex. When a man holds open a door for a woman, pulls out a chair for a woman, or holds a woman's coat open for her, does he resent it? On the one hand, these are simple enough gestures that need not have any real sexual overtones. They are merely polite. However, I can see how some men might resent having to perform these duties in this day and age of equality and liberation. I can't tell you how many times I've heard my father's story of the time he held a door open for a girl in college in the 70's. She jumped all over his behavior for treating her as inferior "in this day and age" and called him all sorts of names. My father was only trying to be courteous, but she gave him the women's lib smack-down for his efforts. It is this story of my father's that always makes me say "Thank you" when someone holds the door open for me. I don't see this as a man pushing me back into a corset and into the kitchen, but as one human doing a kindness for another. But still, I am curious what the Men's Club take on this is. Do you do it? Do you resent it? Do you see yourself as misogynists stealthily trying to take back the workplace, adjourning to your leather chairs, cigars, and brandy, congratulating yourselves on your superiority, or do you instead simply see it as a nice gesture? I want to know.

Subject the Second: Women's Grooming

Do men really think all of the grooming we nice young ladies do is ridiculous, or do you secretly enjoy it? I can't count the number of times a man has rolled his eyes or commented about my need of an hour in the bathroom to prepare for an evening out. I can't even count the number of times my need to paint my finger and toenails has caused comment. And we shan't even mention leg shaving. So, gentlemen, do you really find all of this unnecessary and ridiculous, or do you find it a bit intriguing? Do you enjoy the mystery of the beast going into the bathroom and the angel coming out? Do you really prefer chipped and unmanicured hands with dirt under the fingernails to a neat and clean polish? Do you prefer to see the feet of yeti climbing their way under the table to the promised land, or a sexy candy apple red tipped foot snaking toward you? Do you prefer to be wrapped in hairy ape legs, or sleek and smooth well-lotioned ones? Do you enjoy scoffing and making these comments as a matter of form, or are you trying to tell us you would prefer a more grungy granola type of girl?

Subject the Third: The Cluelessness of the Male to the Predatory Female

Have you ever been in this position, ladies? Some female pirranha is trying to move in on your man. You recognize the signs, signals, and her passive-aggressive behaviors instinctively, whether you learned them in high school or just understand the female of the species, but your man remains clueless to her ploy? Been there. Done that. And for some reason that I can't fathom, men never seem to pick up on it. Well, straight men anyway. I'm not sure if these guys are just flattered by the attention or really that clueless. Do they really think women can not be predatory sexual aggressors? Is this conceit or merely stupidity? Everybody knows the female of any species is always the more dangerous. Certainly those of us who are females can recognize it. We may be bound by moral and societal constraints from knocking her bony ass back out of our territory, but that doesn't mean we are unaware. Men, though, seem to be. They are like the young gazelle, sipping at the pool of crisp water in the morning dawn, unaware of the cheetah licking her lips. "Look up!" I want to scream. "Run!" Can't you see she's planning to turn you into steak tartar? You fool! So are men really clueless, or just aching to see a girl fight break out? Maybe men have no experience with passive-aggressive behavior, but I don't see how this can be. They all had mothers, right? Eh.

So, these are the questions I need answered. Line up boys, craft your responses, and let us know. We want to understand, really we do.

As you are all aware, all the Divas will be lining up with questions. Check out what Silk, Kathy, and the Ladies of the Fistful of Fortnights have to say. On the flip side, Phin, Jamesyboy, Stiggy, the Naked Villains, and Nugget will be asking questions of the ladies.
posted by Phoenix | 7:32 AM


At 1:01 PM, Anonymous silk said...

Oh so very spot on with that predatory female question! They never have a clue and you have to wonder what on earth they think is really going on.

At 4:18 PM, Blogger amelie said...

those are good questions. really good. the rest of us want to know, too :P

At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Jamesyboy said...

1. Always hold doors open for ladies - can't help it. Just been brought up that way. Every girl I know has appreciated it, or certainly given that impression.

2. Very much appreciate efforts made by ladies prior to evenings out. Although I most appreciate it when you don't live together. In this situation you just get to see the lovely finished product, without having to be involved in the preparation. It's like being backstage - if you see how everything is done it ruins the illusion somewhat methinks!!

3. From my experience, men know that women are interested, but pretend they don't know so as not to unduly worry their partner....

At 5:14 AM, Anonymous Theresa said...

The last question is great! Happens all the time here, and he claims to be clueless. Yeah, right.

At 8:49 PM, Blogger Al said...

1. Alway open doors for ladies out of respect and as a courtesy. I do not resent it and believe most women appreciate it. But, men are visual animals. By opening the door or pulling out the chair men have an opportunity to check out the ladies "features", if you get my drift. In no way does this make me fill superior, because I already know that women are in control, men are just along for the ride.
2. Please no grungy granola types for me. I prefer the soft, lotioned, well groomed female. The time grooming well worth the wait. Plus, as Confederate Railroad sings, "I like my women a little on the trashy side..."
3. In general, we men are clueless. If we do, by chance catch on, we are honored that someone shows us attention.


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