A Match Made in the Geriatric Ward
It is Thursday again, so it must be time for another go-round with the Demystifying Divas and the ever plucky Jamesyboy of The Mens' (Man's?) Club.This week we are tackling yet another of those age-old questions (ha ha - pun intended). To wit: Does age matter in a relationship? Managing age gaps and the oldest/youngest you would consider.
I am not sure that I am of a single mind on this issue. On the one hand, I believe that age is more a state of mind than a counting of rings on the tree thing. I believe that there are young-at-heart 60-year olds and one-foot-in-the-grave dreary dead 20-year olds. Age on people is not the same as age in wine, if you get my drift.
On the other hand, it can be pretty creepy to see a scantily clad blonde bimbo who would ordinarily be chasing rock stars and their drugs instead pushing the wheel chair of some 90-something geriatric medical case. That isn't attractive, it is suspicious! And, if I were the old devil's grand daughter, I'd make sure that there were no incentives to Bambi (with an "i") to send him to his maker ahead of schedule.
But surely there is something, some wisdom, that I can offer on this topic?
Well, here goes nothing.
Love is love. There is no getting around it. But, while love can not be denied, it can be reasoned with. In order for love to be real and lasting and not based on lust or fleeting passion, two people must have some mutual foundation of experience and trust, or at least speak aommon language. The best way for me to explain this is through a series of examples.
Example 1: Grandpa and Pop's Tart
Grandpa, ask yourself some hard questions. Are you interested in this young woman because she doesn't yet know the feel of a girdle on her hips? Are you interested in her bouncing and likely man-made front bumper because it reminds you of the balding tires of some classic car you once got laid in? When you mention the "Rat Pack" does she think you are talking about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or some new video game? Do you understand what she means when she speaks, or are there words that sound like words, yet do not make sense? If your intentions are other than seeking the match for your heart and if you do not speak the same language or have a commonality of experiences to draw from, how can your heart ever be satisfied? Do you really want to be constantly describing and explaining FDR's policies and what Prohibition was really like? Give it up, you dirty old man!
Pop's Tart, ask yourself some hard questions. Are you interested in Granpa for his classic cars or his retirement fund? Are you interested in his strange old-man smell and love of slippers and cardigan sweaters, or looking to get your first widowhood out of the way so you can date a major league ball player? When you talk about "bling" does he get a glazed look on his face as though he can't remember his own name, let alone the address of Tiffany's? Do you find his constant stories about days gone by and obsession with reading the obits charming? Does he think J. Lo is something they serve in the hospital and Puff Daddy is a new cereal? Get over your money lust and ask yourself if you love the man. If not, pull up your thong and walk away.
Example 2: Grannie and The Boy Toy
Grannie, ask yourself some hard questions. Does the Boy Toy have anything intelligent to offer in the way of conversation or is he merely arm candy, best seen and not heard? Are you interested in his rock-hard abs, or his soft smile? Are you in love with his stamina in the bedroom or his charm in the drawing room? Is your real thrill from the looks on your card club's faces when he picks you up in tight blue jeans and a muscle shirt? I don't deny you your toy, but that doesn't make it love. When you ask where he was when Kennedy was shot, does he respond, "Ted Kennedy was shot?" Honey, if you can't trust him with your grand daughters, walk away as quickly as you can with your walker. You can use his old tennis balls on the feet of it later.
Boy Toy, ask yourself some hard questions. Does Grannie get you hard or do you need some other stimulus before you can perform? Are you satisfied with the rigorous cycle of garden parties, teas, and card club, or do you look forward to the days when she goes shopping so that you can drink beer and watch football with the boys? Does the smell of old lipstick and even older perfume make you weak in the knees, or are you more interested in where she bought Microsoft? Do you find your eyes lingering longer over her grand daughters than her bony polyester-covered legs? If Grannie's gaze doesn't stiffen your sails, you should go find somebody more your speed.
Love is not sex. Love is not money. Can an 80-year old man find happiness with a 22-year old girl? I suspect they could be happy, each for their own purposes, but I doubt that their happiness could be complete without the common language and experiences that make life's tapestry rich. I think this sort of relationship serves both parties ill. When he dies, she (if truly in love) will be devastated and her friends will not understand what she is going through. He, when she cheats, will be devastated and find his manhood far more shriveled than it ever was before, and begin to suspect her motives are not altruistic.
I wish these folks well, but I don't think it is love.
Now, to the second part of the question: How old and how young a person would I consider acceptable and how I would manage the age gap.
I am 32-years-old. My husband is 39. My mother is 52 and her husband is 43, I think. Let's just say that I wouldn't date (were I single) someone more than 10 years my senior because it would creep me out that he should be dating my mom. My little sister is 18. I wouldn't date anyone more than 5 years my junior, because he'd likely be more interested in her and her world than mine. But these are my rules. As I said before, age is a state of mind. I can't really offer any real advice on manage the age gap. If it is a problem, I would suggest ending the relationship and if it isn't, then there isn't any problem to manage.
So says I.
Anyhoo, go check out what the other Divas (Silk, Ally, and Theresa) and our lonely Man (Jamesyboy) have to say on the matter.
