Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The Blame Game
Tony! Tony, tony, bo-bony...

Sorry. Sometimes I get a bit loopy.

In the grand (and not-so new) tradition of placing blame, I do hereby shake my shame-shame finger at the following villains for causing the attached catastrophes:

1. Al Gore is solely responsible for the lack of hygiene in today's teenage boys. Afterall, if the ex-Vice President of the United States can wear the grungy and creepy mountain man look, so can they.

2. Hillary Clinton is solely responsible for the death of feminity. No longer can we expect a woman to weild power and be reasonably decent to look at -- they all expect us to ugly bitches with bobs in sensible shoes.

3. John Kerry is solely responsible for the death of intelligence in this country. All of his TV time during the election forced people to turn the channel to watch mindless cartoons and Brady Bunch re-runs - both more stimulating than his lack-of-plan Plan.

4. The Rev. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are responsible for the recent slew of tornadoes that ran through Wisconsin. All that hot air blowing...

5. Senator Kennedy is responsible for both the onset of pollution in the Chappaquiddick and the increasing plague of mosquitos in this country. Simply put, if his blood was less alcohol and more blood, the mosquitos would spend more time on him than me, just in terms of surface area. Ted Kennedy makes me itch! Kennedy gets lit, I get bit.

6. The United Nations is responsible for Global Warming. Never has there been a more prolific producer of hot air.

7. Howard Dean is responsible for corns and bunions on American women. He speaks, and they arise.

8. Bill Clinton is solely responsible for the lack of personal responsibility today and the world-wide bane of moral ambivalence. "Ah did not have sexual relations with that woman...Ms. Lewinsky."

9. Rep. Dennis Hastert is responsible for hang nails, slobbering, and chiggers.

10. Senator Chuck Schumer is responsible for global diarrhea. That man makes everybody sick!

There you have it. Feel free to play your own round of the blame game.


posted by Phoenix | 11:02 AM


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