Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Wherein Phoenix Learns it is Difficult to Deceive a Clever Child
Let me tell you a secret: having a smart child is both a joy and a curse.

Bunny Boop, as I'm sure you are all exceedingly tired of hearing, is almost two years old. Two - and already she is forcing me into more dramatic acts of deception.

Perhaps I've mentioned it before, I'm not sure. But Bunny has a favorite blanket which she lovingly refers to as "bibi" (pronounced bee-bee). This blanket is a hand-crocheted pastel rainbow afghan which Bunny received at her baby shower from my aunt. She is nutty about this blanket. I can't really explain it. It isn't a security thing because I don't let her take it out of the house. She doesn't get to take it outside or even in the car (usually).

Now, she does get to play with it and she definitely sleeps with it, but it isn't exactly with her all the time. She doesn't drag it along behind her everywhere she goes, she just snuggles with it. Anyway, I wanted to be sure to take it on our trip with us, so I attempted to sneak it into the laundry last night.

I told Bunny that it was bath time and played the usual game where we raced to the tub. Fortunately for me, my legs are still longer than hers so I knew that I could make a small detour on the way. As she was scurrying, I grabbed bibi and put "her" (I know it is crazy - but this is what life with children is like!) in the washing machine with a few last minute items. I then chased after my little girl and we had bath time.

We return downstairs, me damp from neck to knee and she sweet smelling and ornery, and have supper. That is to say, I tried to eat, but a little gremlin crawled onto my lap (despite being fed before her bath) and decided to sample everything on my plate. Sample may not be the right word. She ate with gusto! In any event, I went and checked on the washing machine after supper expecting to be able to switch the load into the dryer. Big mistake. Huge, even.

Bunny followed me into the laundry room and freaked that bibi was being treated to such rough treatment as the spin cycle. Okay, she didn't exactly say it in so many words - her vocabulary still consists largely of whining Mooooooom, Dad, uppy, dowwwwwn, bear, no, a firm affirmative head nod which means "yes", ball, book, and sundry other typical words.

Suffice it to say that it was made clear to me that bibi needed to be rescued. There were big fat tears, much wailing, and a considerable amount of angst. So, what's a mom to do? There was no way she was going to leave her vigil of the spin cycle, so we sat down and watched bibi go round and round and round.

Eventually, the washer beeped its signal of completion and my child looked at me expectantly. And I wondered to myself, "does she love me that much?" Fortunately for my ego there was not a lot of time to ponder this and I opened the door. Bibi was saved from the round and round, but now what's a mom to do?

Bibi is still wet, afterall. Bunny helps me move all of the other laundry into the dryer. I wait to remove bibi until the very last. When there is no more delay time left, I pull bibi out and give it to Bunny to place in the dryer. But, bibi never made it to the dryer. You would have thought they were lovers separated by a grueling war, the embrace was so tight and emotional. Bunny wrapped herself in a damp bibi and retreated to the living room.

Now, bibi wasn't soaking wet. We have those fabulous new front-loading machines that manage to wring between 85 and 95% of the moisture from the garments. Bibi, being an open-weave crocheted item, didn't have a lot of moisture left in her. She was a bit stiff, though, and would have benefitted from a quick tumble. (hehehe...if you only read that last sentence, this blog is not PG)

But, after so many tears, I couldn't tear them apart. I let it be, figuring to abscond with bibi when my child became distracted. But, their time apart had been to stark, too long, too emotionally devastating, I suppose, and I was unable to snatch bibi in the first 45 minutes. After that, SpongeBob, or "Bob" as he is known at Chez Villains Vanquished, worked his magic and I was able to stow bibi in the dryer.

For three minutes. That's how long it was before she noticed bibi missing. And do you know what? Bunny knew exactly where to find her. She ran, crying, into the laundry room and proceeded to have a scene. An Oprah Winfrey/Dr. Phil worthy Oscar-winning type of scene. You would have thought I was holding a gun to the blanket's figurative head, or worse! So, after three minutes, bibi was again sprung from the warm, twisty, hell that is the dryer.

I tried again later to separate them, but it wasn't happening. Bunny watched bibi like a hawk! Finally, Bunny grabbed my hand indicating that it was bedtime and we made our way upstairs. As she was leading me away, I asked her to go ahead so that Mommy could put her cup back in the refrigerator. I knew, you see, that Bunny had forgotten bibi on the floor. With a rapidity I had thought long in the past, I swept bibi into my arms, ran into the kitchen, popped the cup into the fridge, and then bibi took a dive into the dryer and I hit the start button. And then I returned to where Bunny was climbing the stairs, having not yet reached the top of the third step.

I lifted her into her crib, gave and received kisses, and we said our nite-nights. I handed her the light-up bear (a gift from Christina) and attempted to pull up the covers. This, however, brought to light bibi's absence and Bunny pointedly informed me (not in so many words) that bibi was still downstairs. I told her I would go get bibi.

I made my way back downstairs and again sprung bibi from the dryer. Only magically, bibi was dry! Five minutes, possibly less, had converted bibi from a stiff, slightly damp lump into a soft and toasty bundle. Bunny was overjoyed with bibi's return to bed and I was just glad not to be putting my child to sleep wrapped in a wet blanket.

Cause that can't be good.

Seriously, though? All of this for a blanket? This is how much I love my child, I suppose. Two years ago I would have scoffed at the notion of me sneaking around to wash and dry a blanket. Do you think Barnes & Noble has a book on how to deceive your child? I can't imagine it is going to get any easier as she gets older...

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posted by Phoenix | 8:51 AM


>2 Comments:

At 4:38 PM, Anonymous bobgirrl said...

I'm not sure there's such a book, but if there is, rest assured that Jessica Seinfeld will most likely soon plagiarize it.

 
At 3:38 PM, Blogger Richmond said...

And it gets more and more interesting... Good for you and Bibi! :)

 

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