The Scientology Meme
Nobody tagged me, but I feel compelled to answer these questions.(Real questions from the Church of Scientology’s “SEC WHOLE TRACK” questionnaire.)
1. Have you driven anyone insane?
If we pull apart this question, I must admit that I have driven people, and some of them were not in complete possession of their faculties. However, there is no evidence that I had any hand in their incapacitation.
2. Have you ever killed the wrong person?
I am offended by this question. The question presupposes my guilt in killing the "right" person, something that I could be tried and convicted of in a court of law. This is the same as asking someone if they still beat their wife. The question makes an assumption that I am not willing to stipulate to. Try it with somebody less intelligent, not this girl.
3. Is anybody looking for you?
How the heck would I know? The very nature of your question again presupposes that I can read the minds of all people. I will only be able to answer this question in the past tense when someone comes upon me and says, "A-ha, I found you!" Then I can ask if they were looking for me. I am not clairvoyant, at least not in that way.
4. Have you ever set a poor example?
So what if I have? That's not illegal. Are you trying to trick me again? I have said before that I'm smarter than you. That fact grows increasingly more obvious with every new question.
5. Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
My purposes here are classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to castrate and kill you. Don't ask me again.
6. Are you in hiding?
Again, your stupidity is astounding. If I were in hiding I would hardly admit it, would I? I mean, you are clearly not clever enough to keep a secret, so why would I tell you if I were?
7. Have you systematically set up mysteries?
I am systematic. I am hydromatic. I am ultramatic. They call me "Greased Lightening!"
8. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Obfuscation is an important skill. It is particularly effective against the mindless.
9. Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
That certainly depends. Perhaps philosophizing is an appropriate action. Have you ever acted when you should have thought first? Based on your well-documented lack of cranial power, that seems to be the better question. Perhaps you should have thought before putting together this thinly veiled questionaire that essentially asks me to inform on myself, Dumbass!
10. Have you ever gone crazy?
Answering this question in the affirmative could give you grounds to have me committed. Do you really think I'm that stupid? Are you new around here - Earth, I mean?
11. Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
You tell me.
12. Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
Something tells me that our definitions of "desertion," "betrayal," and what constitutes a "great leader" makes this question misleading in the main. Furthermore, once again you are asking me to admit to things that would be considered crimes punishable by death in places like 1985 Iraq, et al. Even further, your question presupposes my own lack of intelligence because any leader to be deemed "great" in my opinion would suggest not deserting or betraying. You don't do those things to someone you hold in high esteem. Besides, I'm not a follower, I'm a leader. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? You seek mindless followers.
13. Have you ever smothered a baby?
Oh, come on! IDIOT!
14. Do you deserve to have any friends?
All great leaders and intelligent people have trouble making friends. However, your question was about "deserving." I deserve a great many things. However, your dumbass doesn't qualify for my strict high quality level of personage.
15. Have you ever castrated anyone?
No. However, I know how and have participated in mass castrations. The procedure involves a cowboy boot and a pocket knife. See Question #5.
16. Do you deserve to be enslaved?
Looking for easy prey, are you? Look elsewhere. I'm on to you. Dumbass.
17. Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
Question #5. Are you learning disabled?
18. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
I will not be tied to your construct of reality. I am a leader. I make my own realities.
19. Have you ever zapped anyone?
Did you enjoy it?
20. Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
Oh, so you not only think me stupid and criminal, but also a slut? You shall be zapped again. Maybe it will make you smarter. Don't you know better than to offend your superiors? I'm putting you on the list for castration. People as stupid as you shouldn't procreate. It isn't healthy.
Labels: Meme Time
